NBA stars “Kong” Perkins and Stephen Jackson unleash reign of terror on southeast Texas during NBA lockout

BEAUMONT – On Monday, August 29, 2011, Texas Parks & Wildlife officials along with County Animal Control officers responded to a disturbance at Christus Health & Wellness Center. Sources report “Kong” Perkins and fellow primate Stephen Jackson were urinating and defecating on the workout room floor while weight training. Gym member and local business owner, Clyde Simmons, asked the thumbless duo to utilize the newspapers at the rear of the gym and inadvertently maintained eye contact for longer than three seconds. Simmons stated “Perkins reared up on its hind legs, beat its chest, and roared.” Luckily for Simmons, a trainer was able to shoot Perkins with a tranquilizer dart. Witnesses then saw Jackson climb to the top of weight rack, escape through a window, and was last seen swinging from electrical wires heading toward Beaumont’s South Park area.

Monday’s capture of “Kong” Perkins comes after an August 13th incident, at night club “The Ticket” where Perkins and Jackson, agitated by flash photography and expensive malt liquor, attempted to assault patrons and bite the club owner. Crowds were forced to line abreast, light torches, and drive the primates from premises. Law enforcement officers later arrested the two for public intoxication and being within the city limits without a leash, but had to release the simians because Jefferson County doesn't have an approved primate detention habitat.

On August 7^th, Port Arthur police were called to Jackson’s den in Port Arthur where witnesses indicated that two seven foot tall black males were seen flinging poo at passing cars. Police are still investigating the incident. Perkins remains incarcerated at Houston Zoo's African Forest. Jackson remains at large and was last seen at Magnolia Park hanging by its feet from a tree and eating from a trash can.